Ive read things that say that there are two versions of shame; Healthy and Unhealthy. Does it make sense to punish yourself throughout your life for things you have done even though no one is punishing you?
You would have to ask yourself some questions. Did I get away with something? Am I punishing myself because I am better than the law? (in this case, you feel that even the law doesn't even recognize the minor things you did as wrong)? Did I do anything wrong? If God is the only one that forgives me, what good am I to everyone else?
In the aforementioned sequencial order...We sometimes feel as if we do something against who we thought we were, or who we thought we were capable of, we are forced to reevaluate ourselves. Are we not who we thought we were? Am I much worse? Absolutely there is a serious of sub questions to follow each of the principle questions. Personally, I think most of the time, when it comes to "Are we not who we thought we were?", It's a matter of scenario and circumstance. To say that you are an evil and unaccepted tramp that does not deserve to roam society because you have commited one sin is to say that one foul step in life is to label you as worthless. This raises another question; What human universal laws are we dealing with, and what makes something worse than something else? Generally speaking, stealing someones car and stealing someone's pen is regarded as completely different levels of criminality. But as it is looked at in a simpler, less complex, and less modern light, stealing is well...stealing... Are we giving a much heavier regard to the worth of something? No, we are giving a much heavier regard to the worth of the item as it pertains to the owner. At this point, you must consider the morality of stealing. Is the worth of the item the problem? I would say no also. It is the regard for others, and your thinking that leads you to believe that you deserve the item more than the other person. If you steal, and get away with it, you are not punished by society, but are you punishing yourself from within? If you are, that is shame. If you arent, your shamelessness will prove you to be a major downfall to society. Am I saying you should constantly feel bad everytime you do something you dont feel is who you thought you were? Not exactly, but surprise (in realizing what your capable of in different temptations and scenarios) is no different than wisdom in this case. You will never know who you are until the last comprehendable and reasonable thought producing days of your life. Constantly we are saying to ourselves: "wow did I just do that?" or "wow, did I just say that? It's because we thought we were a different person than what could have produced those actions. A self assessment is rather useless in the terms of trying to figure out who we are. It would be more useful and less time-wasting to figure out who we want to be-and not who we are. If you are trying to figure out who you are, all you really are is just a person constantly ovr analyzing himself. That would not be a optimum choice of lifestyle. If you are not who you thought you are or who you want to be, you are given the oppurtunity to see what you can improve on when you "slip up". It is fates way of saying "temptation claims victim to even good people" or perhaps it's God's way of saying "Remember that you have shame, It is healthy. If you didn't, you would not repent, or feel remorse." Remember that you can never be someone as precisely as ideal as you see yourself. It is unrealistic. It is like saying we manufactured the body and mind we live with. We can only hope to control it as best we can. We dont manufacture the life w were given, we just manage it the best to our idealistic abilities.
Even if there are no laws against commiting an act that one has, he may still feel as if he is a criminal to his own self. This could be because he is a bread baked upon yeast of his social culture.
"I have done something wrong that is not against the law by any rule of the book, but my peers have a strong opinion on what I have done. This is also something I'd never thought I would be amid"
I have been in this position. The thought process of this scenario is something like this: 1. I didnt commit a crime of any sort 2. but what kind of man am I? 3. Who am I? 4. Is there a deeper me that I wasn't aware of that is responsible for this? How will Society label me as part of their community? Do they even need to know?
Sounds like shame at it's best attack. If you have have "obsessive" personality traits like I do, this is a destroyer shame. Not a good one. Perhaps it's true that I believe that the initial shame or questioning of my action process in doing something that creates reevaluation is legitimate. But, to believe that I am forever shunned from society for a minor misstep in life, or maybe what was never a misstep at all(which I can easily defend because when you're obsessive you have the ability to see EVERY perspective there is on the situation- and I have found one that defends me rather than offends me) is an insult to ourselves, an insult to the gift of life we were given. There is no one on this earth that can judge another. We were all born of a mother and we were all born completely helpless. We are products of environment, and our environment includes our parents. How is a person of the same race(human) same being to judge that one human was created better than the other human?
To have standards within us - saying to ourselves - I know I am better than this - is to say I was created in a marvelous manner that I feel am not living up to, I can do better. This is a compliment to God, or whoever you think created you and humans as a race.
"Did I do anything wrong?" is really a matter of realizing "Cultural Relativism" as a definate and rational way of viewing the world. To ask if you have really committed a wrongdoing is to ask whether it's a wrongdoing in your society, every society, to you only, or to any given other group or person.
"If this is not frowned upon in this community or country should I feel bad at all?"
...This is commonplace in other parts of the world-including civilized nations) It is possible to feel bad about something you have done that is perfectly acceptable in other parts of the world because the culture around you has lead you to believe that you are living the best possible life there is to live in this world. Unreasonable. I have felt like the only thing keeping me sane in a dark place is knowing that 1. there are people doing WAY worse things than I 2. What I have done has never negatively affected anyone longterm 3. Knowledge of other cultures and what is really going on in this world, and what is deemed acceptable in so many cultures. For Americans, such as myself, we shall never be taught to believe we are the best country in the world. Pride is one thing, but as a humanity seperated by bodies of water, none of us are better than any of the others.
Finally, If God is the only one that I know (or at least I feel) is accepting me, how can I feel comfortable in society? This is the time to be comfortable saying (hopefully with the knowledge and compassion of others) "I am happy with who I've become and the potential that I have been given despite my mistakes and things I done that have contradicted who I thought I was." To think that there is no future let alone to think that everyone on this earth has filed you in to a specific category is to think you live in a world amongst errorless non-humans. This allows me to return to the fact that 'stealing is stealing no matter what your stealing.' Does the crime committed have anything to do with the person associated with it? Think about it this way: If you steal a crackheads' blanket while he was sleeping in the slums of Philadelphia, you would probably feel less remorse than if you stole a brand new watch from a white collar middle income household. Are we regarding people as how they value themselves? How they were raised? Do we regard ourselves on how we discipline and reward ourselves? Is this a product of how we were raised? If Cultural Relativism is real in the sense that no one society has the right idea about the way to live life, are we ever wrong? Are we ever right?
